Now and then

We spent last weekend doing the "Birthing Within" class... baby class. Final proof (if I needed any) that everything is real and life is changing. It was an interesting weekend. A great weekend. Us and six other couples, people our age (or so) going through the same experiences. The excitement among both the soon to be Moms and Dads palpible in the air.

We had a lot of fun. We learned some good stuff. Hopefully it makes bringing you into the world an easier thing.

The area we did it in was interesting for me. Brought up a lot of memories of a younger me and a day I consider to be part of my own 'rebirth'. The area currently known as Crossroads, Broadway & Cambie St in Vancouver. Interesting juxtaposition between thinking about your birth and an area which is the same in a way for me.

I know I haven't really had a chance to talk about my sickness yet. I'm sure that will come. But there was a day near the end of it... a day after being cooped up in a hospital room for nearly five weeks... a day after fighting so hard for my life...

A day when they finally let me go.

I'd been locked in a room for what seemed like eternity. A hospital room. Able to see the beauty of the world through the window, but not able to breathe it in myself. No fresh air. No sunlight. So many things that we take for granted, I was left without.

Needless to say, after the experience of this... I was aching to feel again. Live again.

As a test run, they let me go. By myself. For the first time in all that time. Up until then, there'd always been a nurse, family member, friend with me... and never outside.

I'll always remember the feeling of the air hitting my weak body. The rays of the sun touching me. I ended up walking through this area that 16 years later we would be taking a class learning about you in. It was glorious.

I was sick but recovering. I was pale. I was weak. I definitely didn't fit in with the average joe walking down Broadway. A Broadway very different from what it is today, which again I'm sure will be much different when you experience it.

I spent probably an hour out there. Just wandering down the sidewalk. Relishing the air... the sun... the feeling of being by myself... in public... being alive.

Watching the people around me. People who looked at me like I was a freak. Looking back, I'm sure I looked like one, as I've rarely smiled as wide and been as happy as I was that day.

It was likely the first real day of my new life. I was not the same person I had been just a few months before... before all of this had happened. Before I had to fight so hard. Maybe it was the first day that I fully realized how different I now was. Maybe it was the first day of my rebirth.

In my mind I still remember every bit of that day. I remember the feeling of the air, the sound of the traffic, the fresh autumn smell. In my mind, I can transport myself back there in a second.

So it was that I found it a little ironic that all these years later, I was learning about your birth in the same spot. It's interesting that the Broadway/Cambie area is overall such a small part of Vancouver and yet has had such an effect on my life.

You're kicking hard in your Mom's stomach now. I love feeling it. I tell you stories... as it says 'the gurgle burp urp in your ear'. You react when I talk to you through your mother's skin. We're down to just a little over two months until you'll be outside with us.

I hope I can teach you to see the world like I do. I hope you can teach me better ways to see it myself. You are going to have challenges in this life, I wouldn't for a second think you to be lucky enough to have it any other way. Then again, the challenges will make you stronger. That's what they did for me.

Never forget that regardless how it goes, we are lucky to live this life. Our world, our universe is a beautiful place. I will enjoy every second of living it with you.