Living in a world of assumptions

It amuses me when I get passed over in conversation as being just the Dad.

If there's a woman within ten feet of me, regardless of age, all questions go to her.

Today for instance, we were doing our regular family lunch. The waitress felt free to ask my sister (who was sitting next to me) if she 'could hold the baby'... Who happened to be in the Tula on my chest.

Two things at play here. One... No. I don't know you, the baby doesn't know you. I don't care that you have a six year old. I'm not in the habit of handing off my child to a random stranger. Secondly, my sister wouldn't be in a position to give you that permission regardless as well... She's not a mother.

Then, before we leave the restaurant, still with N on my chest, someone has the wisdom to offer my sister congratulations.

Now, no offense to my sister (she'd be the first to tell you) but she's not the child bearing type.

I was out at playtime one morning and a Greek woman who was on her 60's came over to see the baby. As people do. Within a few minutes, people were asking her if the baby was hers.

I understand, to an extent, with my sister. However, this woman was well past any child bearing age. I had to repeat myself three times in that case before the woman who was asking accepted the simple words I was saying.

"No, she's mine."

I understand that I'm in the minority. I understand that society says "Men are the breadwinners. Women raise the kids."

Unfortunately, like with so many things, society is wrong.

So, if you see a hairy guy with a baby on his chest, intently watching a three year old charging all over the place... You can assume that I am their father. What you can't assume is that any random woman within five feet of me is their mother.

Assume that there is more than meets the eye before you make an ass of u and not me.

I got in a fight this week.

Wasn't physical. No fists were thrown.

Yet in the end, it was more painful than if I had been bruised or bloodied.

It also reminded me a simple lesson. You can love people but even with that, they don't need to be a part of your life.

It was a simple matter to me and one that is really common sense. The family member that did it though didn't see it that way.

It started with a picture. Posted on social media. That this family member had taken.

A crying child obviously overwhelmed at a public event.

Not a child he knew. A stranger's child. In a single moment of space and time. Distressed.

Then he asked people to judge it.

I saw this. On a couple of different levels I got angry.

As things went on, I got really angry.

He stated that he was just having a discussion. Letting people air their thoughts. Almost everyone of these thoughts was "Horrible parenting! Child abuse!" Each of these thoughts was also pretty much by well off Caucasian people who hadn't had an infant in over twenty years.

My argument was simple. They had absolutely no right or business in having that conversation. He had absolutely no right to take a picture of a stranger's child (or any child) and put it on social media without the express permission of that child's parent.

They didn't see it that way. I ended up defending my point of view angrily and yet still somewhat diplomatically against both people I know and love and people I don't know and couldn't care less about.

Through the course of the argument, I explained my reasoning. All I got back were little childish swipes. So in the end, I deleted the family member from my Facebook feed and left it at that.

That wasn't an easy decision. This is the first time in my life this guy has disappointed me.

But it was a big disappoint.

I know people change. Constantly. Every day. That great memories of who we were twenty or thirty years ago are exactly that... Memories.

If that is who he is today, it's not energy I want as part of my life. That's a sad statement, but I can only imagine how much amplified my anger would have been if it was my own child in the picture.

I believe in people. I believe in family. With that, I hope he'll come around and realize he was way off base.

On the other hand though, I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't.

Lazy Days

Sometimes you just hit a lazy day.

A day you just can't seem to get yourself or the kids out that door and into the great outdoors.

That's ok.

Every day doesn't need to be full of action and adventure.

Some days can just be full of snuggles... And resting... And not resting... And recovering.

This is one of those days.

Everything has been so busy as of late.

Sometimes it's good to just take a day to slow down.

The ducks just aren't in order.

We get the inspiration to go out... and then N falls asleep.

While N is sleeping, K falls asleep.

Then it's late afternoon and you hit a rainstorm.

So we laugh, we giggle and we snuggle.

I enjoy every second I have with these two fabulous human beings at this one exact moment of time.

We'll see what the weekend brings.